Friday, March 11, 2011

Cover Critique: Too Awesome for Words


Let me preface this post by saying that my design critiques of these covers are in no way, shape or form a reflection on the author, the content or the publisher. I know the authors have very little, if any, control over the design. These are strictly my thoughts meant simply to be humorous and not insulting.

Okay, I'm just going to give you a moment to take in the general magnificence that is this title and book cover.

...

Have you had a good look? I dare any of you to read the title and then look at this strapping, leather-clad fellow and not crack a ridiculously huge smile. I honestly couldn't contain my snicker upon reading this alliteratively brilliant combination of words and knew instantly I had to share it with all of you. You're welcome.

Let's just take a closer look at everything shall we? First, I don't think we can go any further without discussing just what is happening with his outfit. It's, um, quite something. Apparently his virility is inversely linked to the length of his leather man-dress. The shorter it is, I'm assuming the more virile he becomes. So, I think it's safe to say our blonde, sword-wielding viking god is extraordinarily virile, not just very virile. But then we wouldn't have the alliterative effect, so very virile it is. Have you ever seen an outfit this short on a man? It definitely looks like a dress, perhaps even a skort, and I guess I'm having trouble understanding why he would be prepared to fight while wearing something that could ride up and reveal his assets to his opponents. Opponents who could possibly make him very sorry he chose this outfit when he finds his mini-viking a few inches shorter in length and a whole lot less virile.

Second, and this may not be appropriate blog talk, but I'm just going to put it out there–I would assume, in the romance novel world, that the more virile a man is is directly proportional to the size of his goods. Now, scrolling back up to look at his obscenely short, deep v-neck-with-pro-wrestling-belt ensemble makes me think maybe, if he was well-endowed, we should be getting a bit of a peep show out the bottom of this garment. I'm sorry, I don't mean to be crude, but I can't imagine he has a set of briefs to provide support given that he's a viking, so if we take into account the presumed angle of his dangle, some of his manhood should, in theory, be making an appearance. As it's not, I just have to question the title's appropriateness when read in conjunction with this image. (Obviously, that particular appendage could never appear on a book cover, so perhaps they just photoshopped it out and I've grossly underestimated him:)

Now, he does have a very large sword, so bonus points for him, but his stance doesn't seem overly menacing or masculine does it? He's got that gold-banded arm fisted and clenched like he's braced for battle, but that sword hand doesn't seem to be gripping his weapon with the same intensity. I'm not at all convinced he can wield either of his swords with any great skill. And can we discuss where he's standing? He appears to be in the middle of some sort of plowed and planted field. Is this a virility reference? He's good at planting seeds? His seed results in great bounty? Is that what I'm supposed to be getting from this? I see no battle going on around him, so I'm not quite sure why he's all by his oddly-dressed lonesome in the middle of a field at sunrise/sunset. With the rising/setting of the sun a great viking warrior will come in a glorious blaze of fertility and everything he um, plants, will grow and be plentiful? That's personally what I'm choosing to take from this, if you have a better explanation, I'd love to hear it!

Have a good weekend everyone!

54 comments:

  1. The reason for no peep show is, that the Viking weather is usually quite cool and things do tend to shrink in that type of environment not matter how virile a guy may be. The raised sword and the look on his face turned to an unknown assailant has me thinking the next words out of his mouth may well be, "Give me back my leggings now or else!"

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  2. How nice the Manly man covers! LOL, they always look like they are trying too hard!! Again, good cover critique :)

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  3. Very funny!!! I had the same thoughts about the shortness of his outfit not being enough coverage but maybe Jan is right about shrinkage!!!! you always make me laugh

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  4. HAHA some of Hill's Viking books have some FANTABULOUS covers. The leather man mini dress is so hot...

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  5. Blodeuedd - That's exactly what I was thinking needed to happen!

    Jan - Oh you make a good point, I didn't take the weather into consideration. Shrinkage is a definite possibility.

    Savy - Thanks:)

    Cathy - I try:) And I think Jan is right, the warm sunset colors threw me off thinking it was warm there (as did is ridiculous outfit), but it could be cold and that would explain it.

    Mollie - Um, yeah it is! I'm absolutely making the husband wear one;)

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  6. *lets out a deep sigh* How I love these posts. I think secretly the publishers create these covers for us to make fun of. That has to be. Right?

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  7. Dude...where's his pants??? lmao

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  8. "...deep v-necked-with-pro-wrestling-belt ensemble makes me think maybe, if he was well-endowed, we should be getting a bit of a peep show out the bottom of this garment".
    OMG! I cannot stop laughing. You make my Fridays every week with these posts. Thank you!!

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  9. "Apparently his virility is directly linked to the length of his leather man-dress." MUHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!! With a dress that short, I think he is raising his sword like that to take away attention from the fact that NOTHING is showing!! I mean, c'mon, with a garment that minuscule, we should totes be getting a peep show!

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  10. This post made me laugh! It's so brilliant - and very true. You would think you'd get a little... peepage. And the garment... well, I wear tops longer than that!

    And thanks for commenting - isn't the cover gorgeous? I still have it on my bedside table so I can just stare at it! ;)

    I'm going to go back up to your post and have another giggle! (:

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  11. The Angle of His Dangle...

    Ok I think Ive officially peed my pants after reading one of your cover posts. Leather man dresses are not sexy...Kilts..maybe, minis- no thanks!!

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  12. Oh dear, I just thought of Kevin Sorbo when he played Hercules when I saw this cover...and I love Kevin Sorbo as Hercules. Now I can't get the image out of my mind.

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  13. Haha! Oh my goodness, this just too much hilarity for me to handle so early in the morning.

    His dress could actually make a pretty cute tunic though. :D

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  14. Celine - I wonder that myself sometimes, especially when I look at his outfit:)

    Tori - Right? I don't know what happened to them, he's left them behind in the field he just planted apparently.

    Anilu - Thank you, I was giggling to myself as I was writing:)

    Linds - Thank you, I'm glad I'm not the only one that thinks some things should be showing when they're not:)

    BookAddicted - Definite peepage would happen in real life, I worry that he's overcompensating with his the size of his sword:)

    Tina - Yes, the angle of his dangle:) I agree, the mini is no good at all, a kilt is more than acceptable though:)

    Midnyte - YES! That is very true, I can totally see Kevin Sorbo wearing this as Hercules. I used to love that show!

    Adriana - Glad I could make you laugh:) I feel like he got his wardrobe switched with the heroine's an no on told him.

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  15. I love this cover! Love it! Who knew Viking were responsible for the little black dress phenomenon?

    And yeah, I think it is safe to say that if there is no peep show, then the title is false advertising. LOL

    Happy Friday, Jenny!

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  16. It looks like he's wearing a belt as an accessory and a little minishirt which should so not be on him in the first place...I don't care how great his thights and butt looks, its just wrong.

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  17. Missie - I, for one, would not have guessed a blonde, male viking was responsible for such a trend, but you learn something new every day right?

    Jenny - Agreed!

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  18. He actually borrowed that dress from me. I thought it went well with his hair and that the belt nicely accessorized his waistline and eyes. Personally though, I'm wondering where I can get that arm band he is wearing. It's quite smashing and really completes the whole ensemble. All he needs now is a gold band to go around his forehead.

    And, as for the dangle, I don't know if one could account for enough cold for that kind of shrinkage. I mean, why on earth is the virile viking wearing such a short skirt in such cold weather? I think that, in fact, he is maybe wearing a leather thong so it's correctly positioned and doesn't get in his way while fighting with his big BIG sword *wink wink*. However, I could be deeply misconstrued and it could just be ridiculously small. Although, being that this looks like a romance novel, I highly doubt he'd be worthy to write about unless he was pleasing someone with something that is definitely NOT small. Okay, I could go on forever. That post was classic. Thanks for a Friday laugh!

    Jen
    In the Closet With a Bibliophile

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  19. I am going with he is taped back or packed in LOL

    Other than that he is just a bit to pretty to be a "virile warrior" :)

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  20. ROFL... I don't know what's worse the title or the anticlimactic (pun intended) cover! Btw, does he look like Harry Hamlin to you or is it just me?

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  21. Ok, the whole "He appears to be in the middle of some sort of plowed and planted field. Is this a virility reference? He's good at planting seeds? His seed results in great bounty?" had me laughing so hard, that snot came out my nose. (Sorry about that...)

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  22. Jen - I knew he got it from a woman! I have to say he did accessorize very well didn't he? He thought everything but the length of his dress through very impressively. And don't even get me started on his dangle, I'll go off on another tangent:)

    Felicia - This is a strong possibility, but really, why not just free ball it and get a longer skirt?

    Rummanah - He does look like Harry Hamlin. Now that's all I can see. Thanks Rummanah;)

    Darby - It's okay, I snotted all over my computer screen when I first saw the cover. It happens;)

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  23. This book has my favourite title EVER! hahaha! Still laughing!

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  24. LMFAOOO I saw it and just cracked up. I mean it is just so, so wrong.

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  25. "Opponents who could possibly make him very sorry he chose this outfit when he finds his mini-viking a few inches shorter in length and a whole lot less virile."

    LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    That is exactly what I was thinking when I saw this cover!!!! Ahahahahahahah! I almost died laughing.

    You make my day with these critiques Jenny! Keep em coming!!

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  26. Leanna -- Isn't it the best? It's my new favorite:)

    Blueicegal - You honestly can't look at it and not laugh, it's impossible.

    Carissa - Well, he should have taken that into consideration when he dressed for the day. He looks all ready for battle with his sword out, but I feel it's my job to point out a flaw in his thought process:)

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  27. This is hysterical. Are they serious with the title and his outfit? I love that very fashionable arm band. haha. I love your critiques. They are the BEST! Happy Friday! :)

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  28. Okay... I get it. It looks like a totally serious cover to me. First lets take the man-dress.. he isn't a warrior, but a unique farmer. You got it perfectly correct about the seed planting. It's all in the fertility rites. Plus, the outfit scares the crows and any marauding bands of thieves that happen to come by laugh until the have to leave... just to breathe. Now as to the... um... unit. It's all about foreshortening. Yea... that's the perfect word for it. Foreshortening. ;) Hm... did I cover it all?

    Okay, I concede... you did a better critique than I. At least I tried. ;D

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  29. Yes, that is a mighty big sword. Crazy title! Pro Wrestling belt! LMAO! And what's behind him? He looks like he's standing in the wine vineyards of Napa Valley.

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  30. Seriously? VERY Virile Viking? First of all, he doesn't even look like an authentic Viking. Secondly, the alliteration is just....bad :-S Someone should have told the author ;-) And um, SERIOUSLY??? lol

    Another hilarious entry, Jenny. Loved this one ;-) Someone said "Where are his pants," and I question dude, forget the pants -- where's his helmet and why isn't it snowing in the background? LOL

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  31. Christina - Thank you, thank you:) And they appear to be serious with this outfit and this title, it made my day:)

    Melissa - I like the way your mind works. Foreshortening is a solid explanation for his lack of unit exposure;)

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  32. Okay...What do you expect with anything named The Very Virile Viking. I hope the book was tongue-in-cheek. The guy is dressed more caveman than Viking. Where's his helmet?

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  33. This is one of my favourite cover critiques! Lol

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  34. If only his face wasn't so... chiseled-y, he would actually pass for a pretty good Amazon warrior in that dress. Loved this critique-- brilliantly clever as always!

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  35. Lord Jenny, how do you come up with these things? My eleven year old son came in to see why mommy was crying b/c I was laughing so hard at that first paragraph. A skort? What an imagination you have! I just love these cover critiques. They make my week! Thanks, though now I have to explain to my 11 yr old why the Very Virile Viking was wearing a leather dress.

    Heather

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  36. Julie - I don't know what's going in with the fields, he's just all sorts of out of place. It's awesome.

    Anita - I agree, he needs a helmet for sure, and I just don't understand why, if he's so very virile, there's no woman on the cover with him?

    Alison - It kind of makes you want to read it though doesn't it? Just to test out the veracity of the title?

    Misha - Thank you! I was quite pleased when I came across this book:)

    Kat - Agreed!

    Heather - Well, now, I do try to educate here on my blog, that's clearly what I'm all about, so have fun explaining this cover to your son;)

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  37. I laughed when I saw the cover because I thought he was wearing a dress too but your commentary made the cover even more brilliantly funny. Thanks for the laugh, Jenny!

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  38. ROFL. This cover really does take the cake. All I can think is somebody please give him some pants.

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  39. ROFL! Well, here's the thing: I've actually read this book, and it's hilarious. Intentionally so. The series is based on absurd plots and humor-based gags, with some steamy romance thrown in. In this one, the Viking, Magnus, is not in fact the warrior of the family. He's a farmer who can't seem to stop fathering children.

    The farm in the background is a vineyard, because when he travels to contemporary times, his love interest is a woman whose family owns a Napa Valley vineyard, and it turns out not to be such a bad place to make a living if you're a Viking farmer.

    That said, I think I once told a friend that this cover is so bad that it somehow circumnavigates the globe and docks in Awesometown.

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  40. O.M.G. Of course this critique is hilarious Jenny (especially this little line presumed angle of his dangle, some of his manhood should, in theory, be making an appearance but Galla's explanation of the book (^) effing amazing! Jenny you have got to actually read this series and deconstruct it all!
    ;)

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  41. This just way too funny! He reminds me of the actor playing hercules! Kevin Sorbo!! ;)

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  42. Zahida - You're welcome, glad I could amuse:)

    Nic - Doesn't it? It's right up there as one of my favorites.

    Galla - YES! I was hoping someone would have read this and could shed some light. The explanation makes it even better:) Thanks so much for sharing!

    Avery - I very much want to read this book now, maybe I will and then can encourage you all to do the same:)

    Nina - He does. It's a toss up between him and Harry Hamlin, I see both!

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  43. I had two thoughts when I looked at that cover - one - his man hood should be popping out any second (he after all very virile and two - say that five times fast: very virile viking
    Is it wrong that I kind of want to read it?? LOL

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  44. Awesome leather mini skirt aside, I think the title is the best part. You know, just in case we were doubting his masculinity, we are assured that he is very virile. Great find!

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  45. I am guessing because he is a Very Virile Viking he doesn't have time to mess with the pants...it is just quicker if you wear a skirt...:D

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  46. "Apparently his virility is inversely linked to the length of his leather man-dress. The shorter it is, I'm assuming the more virile he becomes."

    LOL! X-)

    I do love me some good alliteration and men in short skirts.

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  47. Yes, yes, read it! Where else are you going to find a time travel romance with a Viking who ends up in contemporary America--WITH his nine kids? Ha ha ha. They take one trip to Walmart that had me rolling; it alone is worth the price of the book.

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  48. Hey come on guys - Everybody loves drag! It's called a tuck girls....which explains why he's standing in that odd (back arched in slight pain) position. No viking nuggets were harmed in the making of this cover!
    His sword is not raised in battle - he's telling the other sword envy player "No...It's My sword - and you promised I could wear it to the wine tasting. It goes with my outfit and you get to wear the horny hat and all the other vikings will notice you only. You think it's all about you.."

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  49. OH and the one thing nobody quite saw That isn't sun in his armpit - he's a viking and the pit stench has gone ENTITY

    And the big red V is where they added junk back in for your imagined expectation....hehehe

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  50. Knowing a little about medieval sword fighting, that model is definitely not clenching the sword like he's ready to swing it. His wrist is in the wrong position, and his weight is too far forward,

    That said, that cover is awesomely bad. You can't help but love a book cover that shamelessly cheesy!

    -Ian

    www.teachthefantastic.blogspot.com

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  51. LMAO this is priceless!


    his clothes look like Peter Pan's clothes!!!! LOL

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  52. I swear. Every single time this feature just kills me, Jenny! Seriously! Where do they come up with these covers!? Awesome, awesome hilarious critique :D

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  53. LOL! This whole post is Too Awesome For Words.

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